I may have to thank this weird time we´re living. I may have to thank confinement. Although I tend to say this very quietly, almost whispering to myself. For I am also scared. Scared that it will get back to me. Scared that this virus will take a toll on me.
But so far, I can´t help but appreciating the time given. This beautiful time we´ve been gifted with. When was the last time you actually had time? Time to think. Time to rest. Time to write. When was the last time you owned your time? When was the last time you had the chance to decide what to do with your days?
It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.
Seneca
On the shortness of life
I am aware this newly acquired sense of freedom is not entirely real. For one of our greatest rights has been snatched from our hands in a blink of an eye. We are not allowed to move freely anymore. Movement is now restricted to a crazy home-supermarket-home routine. And only if you are lucky enough to have a pet, you get a free walk around the block everyday.
Still, I thank for the time given. For the space given to my soul. To my mind. This week has been a bit harsh, though. I won´t lie. But I guess it´s normal. We all have ups and downs. However, overall, I am trully thankful to the universe for giving us this precious opportunity to dive in. Go within. Bring back all the things posponed. The feelings repressed. The fears ignored. For so long. So far. And when you´ve brought all your shit up to the surface, right where you can look at it in the eye… then you know it´s time for a big clean up!
Did you know there is nothing I enjoy more than moving furniture around? Hell yeah! In fact, it is one of my little secrets to cheer up when anxiety gets out of control and my mood goes into freefall. And let me tell you something: it works as a metaphor for life too. So, if you ever feel as if you were losing track of your goals, your direction or purpose… try this! It won´t let you down. I promise.
And that´s exactly what this time of home retreat in the most profound solitude is allowing me to do: a review of my life journey. I often tend to say it was just a coincidence… but as time goes by, I see it was not. Over the last few months (right before confinement), I went through some major changes in my life: I quit my long dreamt of freelance lifestyle for a regular full-time job, I put a final end to a sick relationship that was consuming me like an endless cigarrette and I moved out into a small but charming studio-flat in a (not so good) new neighbourhood.
Of course, these decisions were made with the best of intentions. However, not all of them turned out to be so good… and after only three months, I was coming back home crying every night. I was not happy. Not at all. Life was on speed mood and I had no control over my days, weeks or months. Time flew faster than ever. And I didn´t know how to stop that rollercoaster that was driving me directly into the abyss.
Until the global alarm went off. And we were told to stay home. Was this for real?! I could not believe it at first… What?! Stay home?! Was the universe responding to my call?! Really?! But, as much as this thought freaked me out (still does) , I did not hesitate to take the opportunity and make the most of this bonus track of time and space we´ve been given. And I am putting my life in order. I am restoring the balance lost. Looking after myself. Giving some space to my own needs. Listening to what my body has to say. And recognising the things that trully make me happy.
Everything is on hold right now. Jobs. Dates. Shops. Holidays. Every single thing. On hold. For us to re-think. And re-order whenever necessary. We finally have the chance to stop and get our shit together. So, what are you gonna do? Will you dare to put it all out and amend the mess you got yourself into? It´s scary, I know.
But the world needs us to do so. For us. For all